THE ZOM ZOM CHRONICLES chapter 18 ( Please Don’t Sneeze (The Bridge That Wants to Kill Us)

THE ZOM ZOM CHRONICLES

Post Title: Please Don’t Sneeze (The Bridge That Wants to Kill Us)

Date: Thursday Afternoon

Mood: Muddy. Explosive. Very, very quiet.

Current Status: Crawling through slime under a ticking time bomb.

We beached The Rusty Bucket in the mud.

The engine gave one final, choking cough and died. We drifted into the riverbank with a soft squelch. We were in the shadow of the Boom Bridge.

Up close, the bridge was terrifying. It was a massive steel leviathan, rusted and groaning in the wind. And hanging from the center span, swaying gently like a morbid pendulum, was that military Humvee. It creaked. Eeee-errrr. Eeee-errrr.

"Everybody off," Joe whispered. "Quietly. If you drop a wrench, we all turn into pink mist."

We stepped off the barge and sank shin-deep into the foulest mud I have ever encountered. It smelled like ancient river secrets.

The Red Blink

"Freeze," Brenda hissed.

We froze.

About ten feet in front of us, attached to the massive concrete pillar of the bridge, was a small black box. A red light blinked on it. Blink. Blink. Blink.

"C4," Joe noted softly. "Plastic explosives. Rigged to a proximity sensor."

"And there," Dave pointed, his finger trembling.

Spanning the gap between the two main pillars, hovering just inches above the water, were faint red lines. Lasers.

"Tripwires," Brenda whispered. "If a boat tries to go under, it breaks the beam. The charge detonates. The bridge collapses. The Humvee falls. The river gets dammed by rubble."

"Efficient," Joe grunted. "Cruel. But efficient."

The Path of Least Resistance

There was a narrow—very narrow—strip of dry land between the laser grid and the steep, concrete embankment of the shore. A path maybe two feet wide.

"We have to shimmy," I said. "Single file. Hug the wall."

"I’ll go first," Joe said. "Buster, heel. If you chase a squirrel now, buddy, we’re done."

Buster seemed to sense the danger. He lowered his head and followed Joe.

We moved like mimes.

Step. Squelch. Pause.

Step. Squelch. Pause.

I was directly under the hanging Humvee now. I looked up. I could see the frayed steel cable holding it. I could see the loose tire spinning lazily.

Creak.

A bolt fell from the Humvee.

It tumbled down fifty feet. It hit the water ten feet away from us. Ploop.

We all flinched. The red light on the C4 box blinked faster for a second, then slowed down.

"Keep moving," Brenda mouthed.

Dave stepped on a twig. SNAP.

The laser grid flickered.

"Dave!" I hissed. "Levitate if you have to! Just don't touch the ground!"

We shimmied past the final pillar. We crawled up the muddy bank on the other side, hauling ourselves into the tall grass. We collapsed, chests heaving, looking back at the bridge.

It stood silent. Waiting for the next idiot boat.

DIAGRAM: THE "BOOM BRIDGE" TRAP

Brenda sketched this in the mud to show us exactly how close we came to vaporization.

          [ THE BRIDGE DECK (ROADWAY) ]
          |===========================|
          |   [DANGLING HUMVEE]       |
          |      (Kinetic Trigger)    |
          |           |               |
      [PILLAR A]      |          [PILLAR B]
      |      |        |          |      |
      | [C4] |<---(Sensors)--->| [C4] |
      |      |        |          |      |
      |      |      [LASER]      |      |
~~~~~~|~~~~~~|~~~~~~[GRID]~~~~~~~|~~~~~~|~~~~~~ (Water Level)
      |      |                   |      |
      |      |                   |      |

TRAP MECHANICS:

1. The Laser Grid: Detects any vessel taller than a kayak passing between pillars. Break the beam -> BOOM.

2. The Vibration Sensors (C4 Boxes): Detect heavy impacts on the pillars (like a barge hitting them). Impact -> BOOM.

3. The Humvee: If the bridge supports weaken, the cable snaps, dropping the 6,000lb truck into the water, creating a wave that triggers the secondary water-pressure mines.

TRANSCRIPT: THE ENGINEERING DEBATE

Parties: Joe (Junkyard Engineer) vs. Brenda (Corporate Risk Analyst)

Location: Hiding in the tall grass, 50 yards past the bridge.

Joe: "I’m telling you, that rivet pattern is all wrong. The military over-torqued the charges. If that C4 blows, it doesn't just drop the span; it shears the abutment."

Brenda: "That is the point, Joseph. Total denial of area. It is a standard scorched-earth protocol."

Joe: "It's sloppy work. Look at the rust on the cable holding the Humvee. That’s not a load-bearing cable. That’s a tow winch cable. It’s got a tensile strength of maybe 8,000 pounds. That truck weighs 6,000 dry."

Brenda: "So you are suggesting the trap is unstable?"

Joe: "I'm suggesting that bridge is gonna blow up whether we touch it or not. The wind is gonna blow hard enough one day, snap that cable, drop the truck, and Kaboom."

Brenda: "Then we should increase our distance immediately."

Joe: "Or... we could shoot the cable."

Brenda: "Excuse me?"

Joe: "If we shoot the cable from here, the truck drops. It sets off the mines. The bridge blows. It kills every zombie on the other side of the river."

Brenda: "David, give Joe the Nerf gun. He is not allowed to have real ideas anymore."

THE ASCENT

We left the bridge intact (for now). We climbed the embankment and found ourselves on a paved road running parallel to the river.

"The Narrows are ahead," Joe said, pointing to where the river cut between two high stone cliffs. "But we're on foot now. We follow the road."

"Look," Dave said.

Parked on the side of the road, covered in dust, was a vehicle.

Not a car.

A tour bus.

Painted on the side, in peeling letters: "THE ELDERLY EXPLORERS - SENIOR CENTER DAY TRIPS."

The door was open.

"Transport," Brenda said. "Check for keys. Check for... occupants."

We approached the bus.