The Zom Zom Chronicles ( chapter 34 ) OSHA Violations and the Corporate Sledgehammer

The Zom Zom Chronicles

• Post Title: OSHA Violations and the Corporate Sledgehammer
• Date: Friday Morning (The adrenaline is running out)
• Mood: Severely concussed.
• Current Status: Evaluating the kinetic energy of a three-ton forklift.

The Freight Elevator Ruptures

The freight elevator doors did not open; they ruptured.

The heavy steel peeled backward like the lid of a sardine can, accompanied by a shriek of tearing metal that drowned out the roaring diesel generator.

The CurdTech Abomination stepped into the harsh halogen floodlights of the loading dock.

The "Big Cheese"

Up close, the "Big Cheese" was a nightmare of corporate bioengineering. It stood over eight feet tall, its pale, doughy skin stretched tight over shifting slabs of dense muscle.

The three fused left arms twitched in horrifying synchronization, and its jaw unhinged with that deep, bone-rattling THRRRRRRRUM.

Sergeant Miller, still scrambling on the oil-slicked concrete for his shotgun, froze. He looked up at the towering biological weapon he had inadvertently helped unleash.

"My ledger," Miller whispered, his fingers finally grazing the wooden stock of the twelve-gauge.

A Casual Backhand

The Abomination didn't even look at him. It simply took a heavy, thunderous step forward.

Its massive, barefoot heel came down directly on the shotgun, snapping the steel barrel and shattering the wood into splinters.

With a casual backhand of its fused mega-arm, it swatted Miller. The Sergeant flew twenty feet through the air, crashing into a stack of wooden crates and slumping to the floor, unconscious but breathing.

The Adrenaline Crash

"Conventional weapons are ineffective!" Dr. Vance choked out, leaning against the fuel reservoir. "Its bone density is too high! You need extreme kinetic force!"

I gripped my titanium-scalpel-stick. It suddenly felt like I was holding a toothpick against a freight train.

"David! Re-engage!" Brenda barked, pointing at the monster.

But the pharmaceutical magic had run its course. Dave’s eyes rolled back to normal size, his shoulders slumped, and he let out a loud, pathetic yawn.

"I think I need to lie down," he mumbled, immediately curling into a fetal position next to a pallet of bottled water.

Forklift Certified

The Abomination fixed its dead, milky eyes on Brenda. It raised its massive fused arm like a biological sledgehammer, preparing to turn our HR manager into a permanent stain on the loading dock floor.

Brenda didn't flinch. She just adjusted her glasses and stepped aside.

"Hey, ugly!" Joe roared over the din of the diesel engine.

The monster turned slowly. Thirty feet away, Joe was sitting in the driver's seat of a massive, yellow industrial forklift. Mister Whiskers was perched on the roll cage, hissing violently.

"I am forklift certified!" Joe screamed, slamming his heavy work boot onto the accelerator.

Extreme Kinetic Force

The electric motor whined as the three-ton machine shot forward across the loading bay. The Abomination swung its massive arm, but it was too slow.

The twin steel forks slammed perfectly into the creature's midsection, lifting its massive bulk right off the concrete.

Joe didn't stop. He pinned the accelerator to the floor. The forklift drove the thrashing, thrumming monster backward across the loading dock, heading straight for the open, ruptured shaft of the freight elevator.

The Drop Zone

"Clear the drop zone!" Brenda yelled.

Joe hit the brakes right at the edge of the precipice, throwing the gear into reverse while simultaneously jerking the hydraulic tilt lever forward.

The Abomination, flailing its three fused arms, lost its balance. With a final, echoing sub-bass roar, the monster tumbled backward into the black abyss of the elevator shaft.

We listened to it fall. Three seconds later, a massive, distant CRASH echoed up from the subterranean depths.

Hostile Takeover

Joe turned off the forklift, wiped his greasy forehead, and let out a long breath. Buster trotted over, wagging his stump of a tail.

"Threat neutralized," Brenda declared, straightening her blazer.

"The generator is secure, and the bunker doors are powered. I suggest we grab Miller, wake up David, and return to the Habitation Zone to conduct a hostile takeover of the remaining command structure."