THE ZOM ZOM CHRONICLES CHAPTER 7 ( Road Rage and The Ethics of Ramming a Shopping Cart )
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ROAD RAGE
"THE ETHICS OF RAMMING A SHOPPING CART."
> MOOD: MOTION SICK
> STATUS: DOUBLE-PARKED IN A RED ZONE
Driving a lime green Prius through the apocalypse is a surreal experience. The car is silent. It hums politely while we weave through burning trash cans.
DRIVER PROFILE: BRENDA
Drives like she manages: aggressive, efficient, and without hesitation.
THE DESTINATION DEBATE
REQUIREMENTS:
- Shelter
- Defensible entry points
- Running water
"MY APARTMENT!" I SHOUTED. "IT HAS GOUDA!"
Brenda: "Is it smoked or aged?"
Me: "Aged. 18 months."
Brenda: "Acceptable. We are proceeding."
THE SCENIC ROUTE
The city is a weird mess. We passed Yoga Zen on 5th. It turns out, muscle memory is a curse.
ANOMALIES DETECTED:
1. The Yoga Zoms: Doing an aggressive Downward Dog. If you die doing yoga, you spend eternity stretching.
2. The Apple Store: Completely untouched. Even zombies know the glass walls are too clean to walk into.
THE BLOCKADE
OBSTACLE: SHOPPING CART WALL
Location: Main and Elm. Dozen Zom Zoms milling behind it.
> INITIATING 'POWER MODE'
"I did not endure three rounds of budget cuts to be stopped by a collection of wobbly-wheeled baskets." - Brenda
CRASH-CLANG-BANG. 40 MPH.
HOME SWEET FORTRESS
Pre-war brick building. Heavy doors. Fire escape. Intact.
INVENTORY CHECK:
- [x] The Ex-Calibur (Just a stick now)
- [x] Mechanical Keyboard Shield
- [x] Modded Nerf Gun
- [x] 1 Disdainful Cat (Carrier)
THE LANDLORD
A figure stepped into the streetlight. Mrs. Gable, the landlord. She didn't look like a zombie. She just looked like a landlord holding a leaf blower.
"RENT WAS DUE YESTERDAY."
> SNEAK ATTACK DETECTED:
The UPS guy zombie appeared behind her, holding his own detached arm. Mrs. Gable revved the leaf blower. We ran.
