THE ZOM ZOM CHRONICLES CHAPTER 5 ( The King in the North (Server Rack)

Here is Chapter 5, followed by Brenda's scathing performance review of the undead and the loot drop from the Server Room.

THE ZOM ZOM CHRONICLES

Post Title: The King in the North (Server Rack)

Date: Tuesday, Early Evening

Mood: Cold. Confused. Slightly relieved?

Current Status: In the IT Department's fortress of solitude.

The Server Room is freezing.

That’s the first thing you notice. While the rest of the world is burning (figuratively and literally—I think the donut shop across the street is on fire), the 4th-floor Server Room is kept at a crisp, air-conditioned 60 degrees.

We pushed the door open. The hum of the cooling fans was deafening. Blue and green lights blinked in the dark like a city skyline.

And there was that sound. Purrrrrr. Purrrrrr. It was vibrating through the floorboards.

"Is the mainframe overheating?" Brenda asked, stepping over a pile of tangled ethernet cables. "If the servers melt, we lose the Q3 data and the holiday party photos."

I ignored her. I followed the sound. I walked past Rack A, past Rack B... and there, atop the Master Control Unit, bathed in the blue light of the LEDs, sat the source.

It was Mister Whiskers.

He wasn't just sitting. He was throning. He was loafing on top of the warm server tower, looking down at us with eyes that said, “You’re late.”

"Mister Whiskers!" I actually teared up. I reached out to pet him.

"Don't touch him!" a voice hissed from the shadows. "He is downloading the internet!"

Enter IT Dave

A section of the floor tiles popped up, and a head appeared. It was Dave from IT. Dave was wearing a hoodie that said “I Paused My Game to Be Here” and he looked like he hadn’t slept in 2014.

"Dave?" I asked. "Why is my cat on the server?"

Dave climbed out of the raised floor access panel. He was holding a half-eaten bag of Cheetos and a screwdriver. "He got in through the ventilation shaft three hours ago. I tried to move him, but he hissed at me in binary. I think he’s the SysAdmin now."

Brenda pushed past me. "Dave. Status report. Is the network secure?"

"The network?" Dave laughed. It was a dry, hollow laugh. "Brenda, the internet is just memes and panic right now. Twitter is gone. It's just a scrolling feed of the crying cat emoji."

"I don't care about Twitter," Brenda said, logging onto a terminal. "I need the spreadsheets. Dave, guard the door. You," she pointed at me, "Find something useful. If we are staying here, we need supplies."

I looked at Mister Whiskers. He blinked slowly, then licked his paw. He didn't cause the apocalypse. He just found the warmest spot in the building to watch it happen. I respect that.

INTERNAL MEMO: PERFORMANCE REVIEW

FROM: Brenda (HR Manager / Survival Team Lead)

TO: Kevin (Marketing / Zombie)

DATE: The End Times

SUBJECT: Performance Evaluation - Q4

Employee Name: Kevin [REDACTED]

Current Role: Head of Digital Outreach / Flesh-Eating Ghoul

PERFORMANCE SUMMARY:

Kevin’s transition from "Social Media Guru" to "Undead Antagonist" has been seamless, though largely counter-productive to company goals.

STRENGTHS:

• Persistence: Kevin displayed remarkable tenacity in the stairwell. He does not take "no" (or "door") for an answer.

• Hunger for Growth: Kevin is clearly eager to consume new material (my arm).

• Team Building: Successfully onboarded Ashleigh and the Intern into the zombie lifestyle in record time.

AREAS FOR IMPROVEMENT:

• Personal Space: Kevin consistently violates the 6-foot social distancing rule. Attempting to bite a supervisor is a grim breach of etiquette.

• Dress Code: While the blazer is sharp, the visible open wounds and lack of socks are not "Business Casual."

• Communication: Kevin’s vocabulary has regressed from "Synergy" and "Deliverables" to guttural groaning. While an improvement in sincerity, it lacks clarity.

RATING:

1/5 Stars. (Needs Improvement).

Action Item: If Kevin attempts to schedule another face-to-face meeting, I will be forced to use the fire extinguisher.

LOOT DROP: SERVER ROOM INVENTORY

While Brenda downloaded the entire company history onto a flash drive and Dave worshipped my cat, I raided the IT Department’s stash.

Here is the haul:

Status Update: Brenda pulled the flash drive. "I have the data," she announced. "Now, we need a vehicle. The company leased a Prius for the sales team. It’s in the underground garage."

Dave turned pale. "The garage? That's... that's below the lobby. That's where the big ones are."

"Big ones?" I asked.

Dave shuddered. "The gym rats. Crossfitters. They turned while doing burpees. They are... fast."

Mister Whiskers meowed. It sounded like a chuckle.

Would you like me to...

• Write Chapter 6, featuring the descent into the garage and the terrifying "Crossfit Zombies"?

• Draw a diagram of the "Modded Nerf Gun" turned into a distraction device?

• Create a Spotify Playlist (text list) that IT Dave has queued up for the apocalypse?