THE ZOM ZOM CHRONICLES CHAPTER 5 ( The King in the North (Server Rack)
aop3d techShare
THE KING IN THE NORTH
"THE IT DEPARTMENT'S FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE."
> MOOD: COLD. CONFUSED. RELIEVED?
> TEMP: 60 DEGREES
ENVIRONMENTAL SCAN:
While the rest of the world is burning, the server room is crisp and air-conditioned. Deafening hum of cooling fans. Blue and green LED city skyline.
And there was that sound. Purrrrrr. Purrrrrr. Vibrating through the floorboards.
THE NEW SYSADMIN
"DON'T TOUCH HIM! HE IS DOWNLOADING THE INTERNET!"
Past Rack A, past Rack B... atop the Master Control Unit, bathed in blue light. Mister Whiskers wasn't just sitting. He was throning.
TACTICAL ASSESSMENT:
He didn't cause the apocalypse. He just found the warmest spot in the building to watch it happen. I respect that.
ENTER IT DAVE
A section of floor tiles popped up. Dave from IT appeared, wearing a hoodie that said "I Paused My Game to Be Here". He looked like he hadn’t slept in 2014.
NETWORK STATUS:
"The internet is just memes and panic right now. Twitter is gone. It's just a scrolling feed of the crying cat emoji."
BRENDA OVERRIDE:
"I don't care about Twitter. I need the spreadsheets. Dave, guard the door. You, find something useful."
PERFORMANCE REVIEW: Q4
FROM: Brenda (HR / Survival Lead)
TO: Kevin (Marketing / Zombie)
SUBJECT: The End Times
PERFORMANCE SUMMARY:
Kevin’s transition from "Social Media Guru" to "Undead Antagonist" has been seamless, though largely counter-productive to company goals.
STRENGTHS:
- Persistence: Displayed remarkable tenacity in the stairwell. Does not take "no" (or "door") for an answer.
- Hunger for Growth: Eager to consume new material (my arm).
- Team Building: Successfully onboarded Ashleigh and the Intern into the zombie lifestyle in record time.
AREAS FOR IMPROVEMENT
- Personal Space: Consistently violates the 6-foot social distancing rule. Attempting to bite a supervisor is a grim breach of etiquette.
- Dress Code: Visible open wounds and lack of socks are not "Business Casual."
- Communication: Vocabulary regressed from "Synergy" to guttural groaning. Improved sincerity, lacks clarity.
> RATING: 1/5 STARS (Needs Improvement)
ACTION ITEM: If Kevin attempts another face-to-face meeting, I will be forced to use the fire extinguisher.
LOOT DROP
| Item | Qty | Utility | Notes |
|---|---|---|---|
| Zip Ties (Industrial) | 500+ | High | Good for fixing gear or restraining Dave. |
| Energy Drinks (Radioactive Green) | 2 Cases | Med | Heart palpitations mimic zombie rage. |
| Nerf Maverick (Modded) | 1 | Low | Fun to shoot at Brenda when she isn't looking. |
| Mechanical Keyboard | 1 | High | Heavy base. Solid blunt-force weapon. Clicks satisfyingly. |
| "Hoodie of Holding" | 1 | High | 6 pockets. Rogue assassin vibes. |
| Catnip Mouse | 1 | CRITICAL | Keeps Mister Whiskers from murdering us. |
NEW OBJECTIVE
Brenda pulled the flash drive. "I have the data. Now, we need a vehicle. The company leased a Prius for the sales team. It’s in the underground garage."
> THREAT LEVEL ESCALATION:
"The garage? That's below the lobby. That's where the big ones are... The gym rats. Crossfitters. They turned while doing burpees. They are... fast."
