THE ZOM ZOM CHRONICLES CHAPTER 19 ( The Bingo Bus to Hell (Werther's Originals and Walkers)
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THE BINGO BUS TO HELL
[ CARGO: WERTHER'S ]
THE VEHICLE
- > DATE: Thursday Afternoon
- > MOOD: Smelling of lavender and diesel fumes.
- > STATUS: Behind the wheel of a 40-foot retirement community on wheels.
The bus sat on the side of the road like a beached whale made of beige aluminum.
"THE ELDERLY EXPLORERS,"
the side proclaimed in cheerful, peeling cursive. "Day Trips! Casinos! Mystery Tours!"
This was definitely a mystery tour.
"Stay sharp," Joe grunted, hefting his pipe wrench. "Buses have lots of hiding spots. Under seats. The luggage bays. The bathroom."
We approached the open door. The steps were covered in non-slip rubber matting. A sign taped to the door read: “Please Have Exact Change for the Driver. NO Shouting.”
THE SWEEP
We stepped inside. The air was thick and stale. It smelled intensely of peppermint, Vicks VapoRub, and that distinct, dusty smell of old upholstery that hasn't seen fresh air in a decade.
It was empty.
But it was a sad kind of empty. There were walkers abandoned in the aisles. A cane hung from a seat back. A half-finished crossword puzzle was on a tray table, the pen still resting on 17-Across ("Four-letter word for end of life").
"Clear right,"
Brenda announced, moving methodically down the aisle, keyboard shield raised.
"Clear left,"
I whispered, stepping over a spilled purse full of hard candies.
Dave refused to enter past the driver's seat. He stood by the door, holding the Nerf gun and Buster’s leash, vibrating with anxiety.
"It’s too quiet. It’s the quietest bus in history."
THE LOO
We reached the back. The tiny bathroom door was closed. A sign on it said “OCCUPIED.”
Joe nodded at me. You open it. I’ll swing.
I grabbed the handle. It was locked. Joe stepped back and kicked the door near the handle. CRACK.
The door swung open.
It wasn't an elderly explorer. It was the bus driver. A man in a short-sleeve uniform shirt and a clip-on tie. He had turned in the tiny space, wedged between the toilet and the sink.
He lunged out, snarling, arms flailing.
CLANG!
Joe didn't even blink. He swung the pipe wrench sideways, connecting with the driver's helmet-like hair. The Zom Zom bounced off a seat and collapsed into the aisle, twitching.
"Ticket punched," Joe muttered.
THE IGNITION
While we dealt with the driver, Brenda was in the cockpit.
"Keys are present," she called out. "Diesel pusher engine. It’s a tank."
She turned the key.
Rrrr-Rrrr-Rrrr... Nothing.
"Glow plugs need to warm up," Joe shouted from the back. "Give it a second!"
Brenda waited. She turned it again.
Rrrr-Rrrr-KA-CHUG-CHUG-CHUG-CHUG!
The massive diesel engine roared to life. Black smoke belched from the exhaust pipe outside. The whole bus vibrated violently.
"It's loud,"
I yelled over the engine noise.
"It's armor,"
Brenda yelled back, revving the engine. "Everybody buckle up. We are taking the scenic route."
Mister Whiskers immediately jumped onto the dashboard and curled up in the sun, accepting his new role as Bus Captain.
THE GERIATRIC LOOT DROP
While Joe checked the tires, we raided the overhead bins and seat pockets. We struck gold in the most unexpected way.
| ITEM | QUANTITY | UTILITY | NOTES |
|---|---|---|---|
| Knitting Needles (Steel) | 12 pairs | HIGH (Weapon) | Brenda is taping these to her shins as secondary armor. Also good for stabbing eyes. |
| Werther's Originals | ~5 lbs | MED (Morale) | The currency of the new world. Good for energy. Bad for teeth. |
| Compression Socks | 30 pairs | HIGH | Great for long hikes to avoid deep vein thrombosis while fleeing the horde. |
| Bingo Dabbers (Red ink) | 50+ | LOW (Artistic) | Dave is using them to draw "scary faces" on the bus windows to intimidate zombies. |
| Magnifying Glasses | 10 | MED | Can be used to start fires with the sun. Or read tiny warnings on soup cans. |
| "Grabber" Tools | 4 | HIGH | Those claw-on-a-stick things for reaching high shelves. Perfect for looting without getting too close. |
| Rain Bonnets (Plastic) | 100+ | NEGATIVE | Useless. We look ridiculous in them. |
TACTICAL MAP: THE NARROWS
Brenda found an old road atlas under the driver's seat. It’s the only road between the river and the cliffs leading to the Stadium.
THREAT ASSESSMENT
- (A) Blind Curve: If a semi-truck is jackknifed around that corner, we won't see it until we hit it.
- (B) The Overpass: Zom Zoms love falling off things. An "aerial bombardment" of bodies onto the bus roof is highly likely.
- (C) Rockslide Zone: If the road is blocked by rocks, the bus cannot turn around. We will be trapped in a metal tube.
STATUS UPDATE: We are rolling. The bus handles like a drunken elephant.
- > Joe is sitting in the front jump-seat with Buster, holding his wrench.
- > Dave is in the back, building a fort out of adult diapers.
- > I am co-pilot, feeding Brenda hard candies to keep her rage focused on the road.
We are entering The Narrows. The cliffs are rising up on both sides, blocking out the sun. It’s getting dark in here.
