THE ZOM ZOM CHRONICLES CHAPTER 6 The Swole and The Dead (Garage Horror)
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THE SWOLE AND THE DEAD
"LEAVING THE SERVER ROOM WAS A MISTAKE."
> MOOD: CARDIO-INDUCED PANIC
> FORMATION: TIGHT
MARCH ORDER:
1. Brenda (Point / Keyboard Broadsword)
2. Me (Middle / Holding surprisingly calm cat)
3. Dave (Rear / Nerf Maverick safety off)
Down we went. 4th floor. 3rd floor. Lobby level. Then... B1.
THE CONCRETE JUNGLE
"THE PRIUS IS IN SPOT 42B."
The door swung open with a metallic SCREECH. Smelled like gasoline, tire rubber, and... stale whey protein?
AUDITORY WARNING:
Not the wet chew-chew of normal Zom Zoms. Heavy breathing. Grunting. Intense physical exertion.
HRRRGH. PUFF. HRRRGH. PUFF.
ENTER THE CROSSFITTERS
They weren't office-worker shamblers. They wore compression gear. Veins bulging. They didn't walk; they lunged.
ENEMY PROFILE: THE GYM BROS
- Speed: High
- Strength: High
- Behavior: Muscle memory and rage. Aggressive walking lunges.
> CAT_MROW DETECTED.
The Lunge-Walker stopped. Eyes bloodshot. Roared like a jaguar dropping a 400lb deadlift on its toe.
THE SPRINT
"Run!" Brenda commanded. The Crossfit Zombies charged, vaulting over car hoods. Sneakers squeaking terrifyingly fast on concrete.
TARGET: LIME GREEN PRIUS
A Crossfit Zombie slammed into the driver's side window face-first. Nose broke. Didn't flinch. Started punching the window.
> SAFETY PROTOCOL:
"Seatbelts," Brenda snapped. We clipped the punching zombie, leaving a trail of rubber and undead gym enthusiasts behind us.
THE DINNER BELL MOD
Foam darts are useless because Zom Zoms don't feel shame. The idea is to shoot something noisy into a corner.
END OF THE WORLD QUEUE
DAVE'S AUX JACK SELECTIONS:
-
▶ "It's the End of the World..." - R.E.M.
(Mandatory. National anthem of the apocalypse.) -
▶ "Still Alive" - GLaDOS
(Dave loves evil AI.) -
▶ "Psycho Killer" - Talking Heads
(Sets the street-level chaos mood.) -
▶ "Yakety Sax" - Boots Randolph
(If we are ever chased in a circle.) -
▶ "Bodies" - Drowning Pool
(When the horde hits, nu-metal hits harder.) -
▶ "Don't Stop Me Now" - Queen
(Brenda's request for "driving morale".)
CURRENT VECTOR
Brenda is driving like she's in a Fast & Furious movie, if the cars were sensible hybrids and Vin Diesel was a middle-aged HR manager.
> DESTINATION: UNKNOWN
Where do we go now? The suburbs? The coast? My apartment to get the good artisanal cheese before it spoils?
